jankirk
DestinationMu-Start
Joined: 21 Apr 2009
Posts: 2
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 Posted: 21/04/2009 08:04 Post subject: Jankirk's daily jokes !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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#1
When you take a long time, you're slow.
When your boss takes a long time, he's thorough.
When you dont do it, you're lazy.
When your boss doesnt do it, he's too busy.
When you make a mistake, you're an ******.
When your boss makes a mistake, he's only human.
When doing something without being told, you're overstepping your authority.
When your boss does the same thing, that's initiative.
When you take a stand, you're being bull-headed.
When your boss does it, h's being firm.
When you overlooked a rule of etiquette, you're being rude.
When your boss skips a few rules, he's being original.
When you please your boss, you're apple-polishing.
When you boss pleases his boss, he's being cooperative.
When you're out of office, you're wandering around.
When your boss is out of the office, he's on business.
When you're on a day off sick, you're always sick.
When your boss is on a day off sick, he must be very ill.
When you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview.
When your boss apply for leave, it's because he overworked.
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#2
I want to know what good is a web search engine that returns 324,909,188 matches to my keyword. That's like saying, ' Good news! We've located the product you're looking for. It's on Earth. '
-- W. BRUCE CAMERON
#3
A local United Way office realised that it had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. " Our research shows that out of a yearly income of $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldnt you like to give back to the community in some way?"
The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, " First, did you research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has clinic bills that are several times her annual income?"
Embarrassed, the United Way Rep mumbled," Umm.. No.." " Or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair? " The stricken Rep began to stammer out an apology but was interrupted," Or that my sister's husband died in an traffic accident, " the lawyer's voice raising in indignation, " leaving her penniless with 3 children?!"
The humiliated United Way Rep, completely beaten, said simply, " I had no idea.."
On a roll, the lawyer cut him off again: " so if i didnt give any money to them, why should i give anyto you??"
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#4
A lady goes in to take a tennis lesson, and the instructor notices she is using the wrong grip. After several failed attempts to correct her, he finally says " Ok, just grip it like you do your husband's member"
After that, she immediately rips a couple of top spin winners down the line.
The instructor says, " Wow thats great. Now just try taking the racquet out of your mouth. " |
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